It's All About Communication

Master: "Slave, we must talk. We're having a bit of a communication breakdown."

Slave: "Oh? Do I not understand your 'arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh' anymore?"

Master: "No. You do not. I have called you here so that we can have a lesson in communication.  Now, when I say 'arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh' I mean 'come hither', and when I say 'arrrrrrrrrrrgh' I mean 'I'm hungry', and when I say 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh' I mean 'I would like to sit up now' and when I say 'arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh' I mean 'I'm stuck' and when I say 'arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh' I mean 'dance monkey dance'."

Slave: "So, what you're saying, is that there is no way that I could ever decipher what you are saying and that every minute of every day is going to be a guessing game in what makes you happy."

Master: "No. It won't be a guessing game.  Weren't you listening? I just told you what everything meant.  See, this is what I'm saying. You're not listening to me.  Now, I say 'arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh' - what do I want?"

Slave: "You don't like your outfit anymore???"

Master: "No. It means dance monkey dance. Now dance."

Slave: "Yes Master. As you wish....."

Peek A Boo

Master: "I want to play pick-a-boo but I want to play it by my rules."

Slave: "Of course you do Master. What rules would you like to change?"

Master: "First of all, I don't want you to actually hide. I want you to just look away.  I don't like people leaving me."

Slave: "Clearly. You cry every time I leave your room. I understand that you don't want me to actually hide. I'll just look away. Is that okay?"

Master: "That's perfect. Just look away - but don't close your eyes.  Secondly, I don't want you to actually say 'peek-a-boo'. I don't like the sound of the letter 'p'.  'Boo' is okay. But I need something a bit more creative. What do you got?"

Slave: "How about 'booga-booga'?"

Master: "You are really on your game today slave.  Now just smile when you say 'booga-booga' and make sure you wait until I've had a good laugh before you say the next one."

Slave: "Excellent game master. You are most creative."

Hair? Where??

Slave: "Master, you're growing hair!!"

Master: "Yeah, well after you threatened to pierce my ears if I didn't grow any, I have decided to finally grow some."

Slave: "Good decision. You've done a very good job with working on your sprouts too. If I hold you up to the sunshine you have a whole halo of hair. Almost as much as a baby chick."

Master: "That's it?! I've been working extra hard on growing hair.  I push and push and push all day. And that's not just to poop. Oh no, that's to grow hair.  Pooping is just a byproduct."

Slave: "Wait! I see a hair at the very back that's an inch long.  Maybe all your effort is going into that one hair."

You're not doing it right

Slave: "Night night little master. Sweet dreams and we'll see you in the morning."

Master: "Good night."

Pause for effect

Slave: "Master, why are you crying?"

Master: "You forgot to turn on my fish mobile."

Slave: "My apologies. There, bubbles and song. Night night, sweet dreams and we'll see you in the morning."

Pause for effect.

Slave: "Master, why are you crying now?"

Master: "You forgot to turn on my Sleep Sheep. To the sound of the ocean. I must have it."

Slave: "My apologies. There, the ocean for the next 43 minutes. Night night and we'll see you in the morning."

Pause for effect.

Slave: "Master, why are you crying this time?"

Master: "I dropped my soother and it's no where to be found. I've lost it and it's now gone forever."

Slave: "My apologies. There, it was in your hand, just upside down. Night night."

Pause for effect.

Slave: "Master, why are you crying now?"

Master: "You forgot to kiss me good night. I love kisses. And I need a cuddle. And a song. And then another cuddle. And then a kiss."

Slave: "And after all that will you go to sleep then?"

Master: "Yes. But only if you promise tomorrow night to do everything correctly in the right order. And no missing steps."

Slave: "As you wish, my little master."

This Little Piggy....

Master: "Look who I have met Slave - my toes! And there's 10 of them!"

Slave: "That's most excellent. Can you get those toes in your mouth?"

Master: "Always with your demands. Why can't I just enjoy the fact that I can reach my - hey! I got them in my mouth!" 

If I say jump you say how high

Master: `Slave, I have outgrown this blue jumpsuit hanging from the large metal A frame. I need a new toy.`

Slave: `Actually, that`s the best part about the Jolly Jumper, we`re able just to move you up a link and then you`ll be able to jump again.`

Master: `Excellent. Move me up a link please.`

Slave: `One link it is.`

Master: `Move me up another please.`

Slave: `I already moved you up one. You can jump much higher now.`

Master: `I must be able to jump higher. As high as I can go. I love jumping. I love jumping a lot. And I especially love jumping really, really high.`

Slave: `That`s good, because the other slave and I love to watch you jump high. It is most entertaining. Especially when you just hang there and bob. Okay, you win. Two links it is.`

Two Tutu's?

Slave: "Master, why are you not jumping in your jolly jumper anymore?"

Master: "I do NOT jump. I float and have twinkle toes like a ballerina. Therefore I shall only 'jump' if I am wearing a tutu."

Slave: "Of course my beautiful dancer. Would you like to wear the blue one or the purple one?"

Master: "Well, the purple one matches my outfit and the blue one makes my eyes pop so we might as well wear both. I just can't decide which one I look cuter in. Maybe I should let my public decide."