New Discoveries

Master: "Slave! We must talk."

Slave: "Yes master? What is it that you would like to discuss?"

Master: "Do you know that green from that hangs from my Bright Starts play gym? The one I hang out with every morning while doing tummy time and practicing rolling over?"

Slave: "Yes master. You love your green frog."

Master: "You never told me I could REACH it, and it jingles!! JINGLES!! What other secrets have you been hiding from me?"

Slave: "Ummmm, I can think of only one other secret. Do you know that when you have a bath there is much splashing in the water?"

Master: "Yes slave, I do know. I love my baths."

Slave: "Well master, that splashing is you."

Master: "WHAT?! I can splash too!! I am a genius!!"

Ladies Night

Slave: "Dearest little Master. I am very much looking forward to this evening."

Master: "Oh? And why is that Slave?"

Slave: "Because Master. I am having other slaves over this evening to enjoy a bottle of wine."

Master: "Did I say you could invite other slaves over? What about me? Who will fullfill all of my needs."

Slave: "No need to worry Master. The other slave will be taking care of you this evening. He will do your bath and get you ready for bed and take care of all of your feedings."

Master: "The large warm one with dark eyebrows that wiggle is going to be taking care of ALL my feedings? Does he have ANY idea how much I eat?"

Slave: "He has no clue master. But I shall ensure that he is prepared. If it isn't too much to ask though - I appreciate that you have been sleeping through the night for me - but I was wondering if you could possible wake up at 3 AM for him. Just so that he can see how cute you are so early in the morning."

Master: "Well, we'll see. I"ll decide later if I shall have abandonment issues or not. And just as long as I get to wear my cute pajamas. And get to be cuddled all night long."

Slave: "I shall see to it Master."

Are your priorities straight?

Slave: "Master, I just meant to pop out to the drug store to rent a breast pump and I come back with a breast pump with enough artillary to run an army, a car full of diapers and formula from Superstore and four bottles of wine. Do I have my priorities straight?"

Master: "Well Slave, that fancy pump will lead to more milk which will lead to more stored milk which will lead to me peeing more and which will lead to more nights off for you to drink that wine. So, I daresay, that although your priorities might not be in the right place, your logic is sound. Which is impressive for someone as sleep deprived as yourself."

Slave: "Thank you Master. You are most kind."

I don't want to grow up!

Slave: "Master, it is time for you to start sleeping in your crib in your own room. You are starting to get too big for this little bassinet."

Master: "That's what you think Slave! Every time you put me in this crib I shall cry and cry and cry and cry and cry until you put me back in my own bed that is in your room but also my room. And that is the way it is going to be until I say so!"

A Poem From Uncle

I try and hold you when Mom doesn’t have ya.



Then when I getcha Dad comes and grabs ya.


Your eye brows are always up,


It’s like your trying to say “whats up?”


Your starting to laugh, your starting to smile.


When you poop Megan says it’s a pile.


But you’re a baby so its ok,


Even though it doesn’t smell like a bouquet


But when you’re grown up and a little lady


You wont wanna do that like you did when you were a baby.

Poopy Pants

Slave: "Master, it is your Grandpa-pa's birthday. We shall put on your party dress and tights and go out to bring him his birthday card. But first, we must stop at Costco for a few groceries."

Master: "Excellent. I'm glad to hear it Slave.  But I think what will really happen is this - you shall put me in my party dress and tights, and we shall go to Costco, but instead of getting a few groceries I think I shall poop all over my party dress in tights, including my carseat and blanket, which will result in our first ever parking lot poopy diaper change. I will require new jammies, a new onsie and at least 27 wipes in order for this to all come to fruition. Kapeesh?"

Slave: "Yes Master, your every wish is my command."

Breakfast

Slave: "Good morning Master. It is time to go downstairs so that I may have breakfast. As your food source, I must maintain a proper diet."

Master: "You think you get breakfast slave? I saw you have breakfast already this morning. I want to play!"

Slave: "Master, that was a mulivitamin. That doesn't count as a meal."

Master: "It does now. Now..sing!"

Slave: "Yes Master."

Strollercize

Slave: "Master, as an unforseen consequence to going to strollercize we will be spending the day upstairs."

Master: "But why Slave? My friends the green frog and crinkly leaves are downstairs."

Slave: "Unfortunately I used muscles that I have not used in many moons and as a result have very sore legs that hurt even more when descending down a flight of stairs. I now that it's not the actual class that helps you lose weight, it's the fact that you will be trapped on the one floor of your house that does not have food."

Master: "Well, that seems a bit extreme doesn't it? I see green frog every morning! I MUST see him today. Suck it up princess - we are going downstairs"

Slave: "Yes Master."

Fooling the Slave

Slave: "Master, the other slave and I feel that you should be aware that we know when you are fake crying."

Master: "Fake crying? I don't fake cry. I have no idea what you are talking about. Who fake cries anyway? And if I did fake cry - which I don't - it would probably work on you."

Slave: "Master, you fake cry until one of us come's to put your soother back in, and when we peak over the crib, you look at us and then put on a big smile, which has lead us to assume that you are fake crying."

Master: "Huh. So that smile is not going to work then? You're just going to leave me in my crib until I get bored and fall asleep?!"

Slave: "Yes Master."