Chewing Gum

Slave: "Master, some of the other would-be slaves have been asking me what you would like for your birthday. Do you have any requests? And a new slave is NOT an option."

Master: "Hmmmmm, I would like lint. Lint is my favorite. When I find it, I pull it apart and then I roll it in my hands and then I eat it and it tastes like dryer and I can chew on it like a piece of gum almost the whole day until you find it and try to take it out.  That's what I want for my birthday."

Slave: "Lint.  Not puzzles?"

Master: "Can  you pull puzzles apart and then roll them in your hands?"

Slave: "No. Not really.  How about some books?"

Master: "Can I chew on books like gum almost the whole day until you bust me and try to take it out of my mouth?"

Slave: "You probably could, but that is extremely disrespectful to books and ill advised."

Master: "In that case I stand by my original request. Lint. And lots of it."

Frowny Face

Master: "Slave why are you frowning? I am the only one in this house that is allowed to show any emotions besides happiness.  And since I'm bored with playing with this piece of lint I found, I guess I could talk to you."

Slave: "I am frowning because my blogspot button on my favorites has gone missing because someone was playing with the laptop when they weren't supposed to and someone pushes buttons randomly on that said laptop hence by removing the slaves' internet shortcuts thereby causing said slaves to forget about blogging on a regular basis."

Master: "Or it's because you haven't thought of anything funny.  But you should really look into who's messing with your stuff.  And really, it's your own fault for messing around on the laptop when you really should be paying undivided attention to your Master.  And on a side note, that is not how you do a frowny face.  THIS is how you do a frowny face - you have to get a deep forrow in your brow, but the key is to tuck your chin in and down so your eyes get all hooded.  Like this. THIS is how you work it."

Toast

Slave: "Master, that is not how we eat toast. You're supposed to eat the bread AND the butter at the same time. Not just suck out the butter and then play with a super-soggy piece of bread."

Master: "I don't see why I can't eat toast that way.  The butter is the best part. And who likes just whole wheat toast with all these bird seeds in it?  I'll tell you who - slaves."

Just a little incentive

Master: "Slave, I don't appreciate you keep moving my toys back after I do all that work of crawling to them.  Then I have to crawl further.  And then you move them back again. And then I have to crawl even FURTHER. And then finally you let me play with them.  I don't like it. I would like to only crawl once. Stop teasing me. That makes you a toy tease.  TOY TEASER!"

Demerits

Master: "Slave! Where are you? I know you are somewhere close. I am on my way to find you.  Oooooh look, a crumb."

Slave: "Master!  You army-crawled your way from the living room to the dining room. You have almost made it to the kitchen - you are getting to be such a big girl."

Master: "Well now that I figured out on my own that I can get off the living room carpet and actually can move quite a bit faster on the hardwood laminate I am exploring my current housing situation.  Why did you not tell me that I could get off the carpet in the living room? Because you didn't inform me of such an important thing, I am docking you two demerits."

Slave: "We're on a demerit system now?"

Master: "Yes slave we are. It's the only way that I can discipline you.  One demerit equals one hour of sleep. Now, everytime that you do something that deserves punishment, I shall serve you with an amount of demerits of my choosing."

Slave: "And not informing you of mobility issues is two demerits?"

Master: "That is correct. For a slave, you sure catch on quickly."

Slave: "Well in that case, I better inform you now that stairs are completely off limits as is the garbage can, the piano, cords of any type and electrical sockets. Otherwise my house is your house."

Master: "No. This is just my house. Another two demerits."

Where are All My Friends?

Master: "Slave, where are all my friends? I have had my breakfast and now it's play time and now they are nowhere to be found."

Slave: "Well Master, Sophie the Giraffe is in the dishwasher seeing as you have been sucking her spots off, and in the grocery store, so she is being cleaned of all her filthy germs."

Master: "What about Riko the Penguin?"

Slave: "Riko is in the washing machine for the same reasons as Sophie."

Master: "What about Pooh Bear?"

Slave: "Pooh Bear has good back in the closet as you poked your eye out with his nose."

Master: "Well, where's my Frog?"

Slave: "He is spending the week at your friend Charlie's house. For a sleepover."

Master: "Well, who else is left? Where's the pink bear with the fun chewy things on it and the crinkly leaf. I like that crinkly leaf."

Slave: "The pink bear is unfortunately MIA."

Master: "Well, who does that leave? There must be SOMEONE that I can play with this morning."

Slave: "You and I can play if you like."

Master: "I guess so. Seeing as everyone else seems occupied. You really should schedule my friends better. And I'll only play with you if you let me blow raspberries in your face."

I'm singing in the rain....

Slave: "Master, it's so good to see you smiling.  Do you like it when I sing to you?"

Master: "Ha! That's singing?! I hardly think so.  You sound more like Skuttle on the Little Mermaid.  I much perfer it when Mary Poppins sings. Oh, and FYI, you don't sound a THING like Mary when you sing her lullaby to go to sleep. Ha, singing.  Slave, the only reason I keep you around is cause you are so funny. And not funny-weird. Funny ha-ha. Like funny ha-ha-I'm-laughing-at-you-not-with-you."

It's All About Communication

Master: "Slave, we must talk. We're having a bit of a communication breakdown."

Slave: "Oh? Do I not understand your 'arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh' anymore?"

Master: "No. You do not. I have called you here so that we can have a lesson in communication.  Now, when I say 'arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh' I mean 'come hither', and when I say 'arrrrrrrrrrrgh' I mean 'I'm hungry', and when I say 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh' I mean 'I would like to sit up now' and when I say 'arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh' I mean 'I'm stuck' and when I say 'arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh' I mean 'dance monkey dance'."

Slave: "So, what you're saying, is that there is no way that I could ever decipher what you are saying and that every minute of every day is going to be a guessing game in what makes you happy."

Master: "No. It won't be a guessing game.  Weren't you listening? I just told you what everything meant.  See, this is what I'm saying. You're not listening to me.  Now, I say 'arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh' - what do I want?"

Slave: "You don't like your outfit anymore???"

Master: "No. It means dance monkey dance. Now dance."

Slave: "Yes Master. As you wish....."

Peek A Boo

Master: "I want to play pick-a-boo but I want to play it by my rules."

Slave: "Of course you do Master. What rules would you like to change?"

Master: "First of all, I don't want you to actually hide. I want you to just look away.  I don't like people leaving me."

Slave: "Clearly. You cry every time I leave your room. I understand that you don't want me to actually hide. I'll just look away. Is that okay?"

Master: "That's perfect. Just look away - but don't close your eyes.  Secondly, I don't want you to actually say 'peek-a-boo'. I don't like the sound of the letter 'p'.  'Boo' is okay. But I need something a bit more creative. What do you got?"

Slave: "How about 'booga-booga'?"

Master: "You are really on your game today slave.  Now just smile when you say 'booga-booga' and make sure you wait until I've had a good laugh before you say the next one."

Slave: "Excellent game master. You are most creative."

Hair? Where??

Slave: "Master, you're growing hair!!"

Master: "Yeah, well after you threatened to pierce my ears if I didn't grow any, I have decided to finally grow some."

Slave: "Good decision. You've done a very good job with working on your sprouts too. If I hold you up to the sunshine you have a whole halo of hair. Almost as much as a baby chick."

Master: "That's it?! I've been working extra hard on growing hair.  I push and push and push all day. And that's not just to poop. Oh no, that's to grow hair.  Pooping is just a byproduct."

Slave: "Wait! I see a hair at the very back that's an inch long.  Maybe all your effort is going into that one hair."

You're not doing it right

Slave: "Night night little master. Sweet dreams and we'll see you in the morning."

Master: "Good night."

Pause for effect

Slave: "Master, why are you crying?"

Master: "You forgot to turn on my fish mobile."

Slave: "My apologies. There, bubbles and song. Night night, sweet dreams and we'll see you in the morning."

Pause for effect.

Slave: "Master, why are you crying now?"

Master: "You forgot to turn on my Sleep Sheep. To the sound of the ocean. I must have it."

Slave: "My apologies. There, the ocean for the next 43 minutes. Night night and we'll see you in the morning."

Pause for effect.

Slave: "Master, why are you crying this time?"

Master: "I dropped my soother and it's no where to be found. I've lost it and it's now gone forever."

Slave: "My apologies. There, it was in your hand, just upside down. Night night."

Pause for effect.

Slave: "Master, why are you crying now?"

Master: "You forgot to kiss me good night. I love kisses. And I need a cuddle. And a song. And then another cuddle. And then a kiss."

Slave: "And after all that will you go to sleep then?"

Master: "Yes. But only if you promise tomorrow night to do everything correctly in the right order. And no missing steps."

Slave: "As you wish, my little master."

This Little Piggy....

Master: "Look who I have met Slave - my toes! And there's 10 of them!"

Slave: "That's most excellent. Can you get those toes in your mouth?"

Master: "Always with your demands. Why can't I just enjoy the fact that I can reach my - hey! I got them in my mouth!" 

If I say jump you say how high

Master: `Slave, I have outgrown this blue jumpsuit hanging from the large metal A frame. I need a new toy.`

Slave: `Actually, that`s the best part about the Jolly Jumper, we`re able just to move you up a link and then you`ll be able to jump again.`

Master: `Excellent. Move me up a link please.`

Slave: `One link it is.`

Master: `Move me up another please.`

Slave: `I already moved you up one. You can jump much higher now.`

Master: `I must be able to jump higher. As high as I can go. I love jumping. I love jumping a lot. And I especially love jumping really, really high.`

Slave: `That`s good, because the other slave and I love to watch you jump high. It is most entertaining. Especially when you just hang there and bob. Okay, you win. Two links it is.`

Two Tutu's?

Slave: "Master, why are you not jumping in your jolly jumper anymore?"

Master: "I do NOT jump. I float and have twinkle toes like a ballerina. Therefore I shall only 'jump' if I am wearing a tutu."

Slave: "Of course my beautiful dancer. Would you like to wear the blue one or the purple one?"

Master: "Well, the purple one matches my outfit and the blue one makes my eyes pop so we might as well wear both. I just can't decide which one I look cuter in. Maybe I should let my public decide."

Busted

Slave: "Ha! I totally caught you red handed!"

Master: "I have no idea what you are talking about slave."

Slave: "I just saw you roll over from your back to your tummy.  The other slave has found you like that in the crib on several occasions, but we have never actually seen it. And I just saw it."

Master: "You must be mistaken. I clearly do not know what you speak of. Have you had your eyes checked?"

Slave: "My eyes are fine. I just saw you do it! I even have it on film."

Master: "I shall deny everything. You saw no such thing. I do not have the ability to roll over from my back to my tummy thereby giving me a new party trick."

Mmmmmmm delicious

Slave: "Master, you are starting to creep me out staring at me like that while I eat."

Master: Creepy stare.

Slave: "Master, would you like something to eat as well? I don't think apples and peanut butter are a good first choice for you, but we can put you in the Bumbo chair and see how you do with your own food."

Master: "Excellent idea slave.  And it just so happens that I'm wearing a shirt that matches the Bumbo. But what's that you have there?"

Slave: "It's rice cereal. It's a special food just for little Master's. I believe that you will find it quite delicious."

Master: "It looks like barf."

Slave: "It smells like barf. Here, try some."

Master: "Ugh, that feels funny. But it's not bad if I push it around in my mouth with my tongue.  Excellent cooking slave."

Tricked Again

Slave: "Master, why is it for the past three days you have been up every 45 minutes in the night and then when I go away for a sleepover with other slaves, you decide to sleep through the night again?!"

Master: "That is what you get for abandoning me. Maybe now you'll learn your lesson.  And before you get smart, the lesson would be to never leave your master again. Ever."

Oh Mr. Sun

Master: "Slave, I need you to block the sun for me. I hate it when it gets in my eyes. And since you are the one who forgot my sunglasses, you will be my shade."

Slave: "But Master, I am very fair and when I spend too much time in the sun I burn and become very cranky."

Master: "Do you have any idea how cranky I will become if you do not block the sun?"

Slave: "Good point. Is me standing here sufficient enough to block the sun?"

Master:  "No, a little to the left. A little more.  Now down. No, up again. Little to the right. Now stand on one foot. Tilt 25 degrees......perfect!  Hold that pose.  I can now enjoy being outside without the sun burning out my retinas. "

Jail Cell

Slave: "Master, what is all the fuss about? It is 3 o'clock in the morning."

Master: "I'll tell you what the fuss is about. See this jail cell that you have me in?"

Slave:  "That would be your crib."

Master: "Yes, well this 'crib' that you have me in looks like a jail cell. And I have started to move around in the night trying to unsuccessfully release myself from your swaddle. But I can only move one way, which is to the left. And now, at 3 o'clock in the morning my face is smashed up against the bars and I am unable to rotate further."

Slave: "My apologies master, soft cushions to prevent this from happening are no longer allowed."

Master: "If I had been born 30 years ago my face wouldn't be pushed up against the cage.  It would be pushed up against a nice soft fluffy pillow.  Silly governement recommendations and regulations."

Happy Slave Day

Slave: "Master, I must thank you for sleeping in the morning and sleeping all through last night. It is a most excellent Slave Day present."

Master: "Slave Day? How come you get a day that's so special? Is that why the other slave made french toast? When's Master Day? And for the record, I didn't sleep all that time for you, I was exhausted from being at my cousin's birthday party and staying up so late. I need my beauty sleep."

Slave: "It's Master Day every day. Every day we try to make you feel special."

Master: "I am special. But, if we are going to be celebrating anything, I must be put into a party dress."

Jump! Jump!

Master: "Slave, I have a bone to pick with you about this Jolly Jumper."

Slave: "What seems to be the matter Master? I thought you liked your Jolly Jumper.  You spend an hour in it every day."

Master: "Yes, well I do like it. The only part I don't like is that when I drool, the drool gets all over the floor and then I end up stepping and jumping in the drool and then my socks get all wet and then the sock lint sticks to my toes and then I end up with fuzzy pink wet drool feet."

Slave: "I'm sorry to hear that Master. Why don't you just stop drooling then?"

Master: "Because Slave, it's part of my persona.  It's on the list of things that babies do. Didn't you read the manual?"

Ink Pink You Stink

Slave: "Master why are you crying now? You were sooo happy just a moment ago."

Master: "I have decided that I don't like pink anymore. Why do girls always have to wear pink? Why can't it be a nice rose colour, or purple? And I have to point out that if I did ever wear blue or green it would make my eyes pop! Now Slave, why do you dress me in pink all the god-damn time?"

Slave: "Because you're bald and everyone always thinks you're a boy and I don't want to get your ears pierced yet so I dress you in pink so there's no confusion."

Master: "Oh. Well. Pink does bring out my cream-coloured complextion. You are forgiven."

Escape Plan

Slave:  "Master who are you yelling at?"

Master: "Sigh. The gig is up. I must confess that I was trying to formulate a plan with the Sleep Sheeps assistance to escape from my Kiddopatamus wrap. My arms are stuck and my nose is itchy and the Sleep Sheep is just hanging there and he didn't answer me when I first whispered to him and he just hung there when I started yelling at him. I don't get it. I thought that he and I were friends."

Slave: "Master, you shall make many friends with inanimate objects. I'm afraid that you must learn how to deal with them not assisting you in your escape plans or in the placement of booby traps."

Master: "Fine. I never liked Sheep anyway. They are much too fluffy. And my nose is still itchy. And now that you've mentioned boobs, I have decided that I am hungry."

Oh Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun

Slave: "Oh Master, it is so hot out I'm not quite sure what to do with you. Before when it was cold we would just stay inside in our jammies with lots of blankets, but now that it's so hot out you seem to be just fine in your diaper, but what shall the other slaves think of me?"

Master: "Who gives a poopy diaper what the other slaves think of you. It's HOT outside. It's HOT inside. It's hot in my room, especially with this stupid diaper on! I want to be naked. Naked I say!!"

Slave: "As you wish Master, but we must not take any pictures and put them up on Facebook for fear of judgement."

Master: "Stupid Facebook."

Place Your Bets

Slave: "Master, there seems to be a great debate over what colour your hair is going to be. It seems as though my family is conviced it will be red, while the other slave's family is convinced it will be dark. Could you please shed some light on the subject as we need to place a wager."

Master: "How are they even guessing at what colour my hair will be? I'm totally bald. Like, TOTALLY bald. But I say we keep them guessing. I shall keep my eyebrows fair and my eyelashes dark and that way no one will ever know what colour my hair will be until I actually grow some. Spend your money on something more useful. Like new shoes for me."

Pool Party

Slave: "Did you have a good time at the pool today little Master?"

Master: "Why yes slave I did. In fact, I had such a good time that I decided to fall asleep while in the kiddie pool. I woke up about 45 minutes later quite refreshed. Plus I was quite famous in the pool with my cute fish bikini from the Gap on."

Slave: "Yes you were Master. I'm quite sure everyone in the pool commented on how tiny you were and how cute your bathing suit was."

Master: "Even when I was sleeping?"

Slave: "Even when you were sleeping."

But I don't want too!

Slave: "Master, raising your eyebrows won't help you keep your eyes open."

Master: "But I don't want to go to sleep!"

Read the Fine Print

Slave: "Master, you are soooooo close to laughing. Is there anything that I do that's funny and will make you laugh?"

Master: "Do you know what I find funny? The fact that I picked you and the other one as slaves. I mean, I really had no idea how nerdy you really were. And the other slave I picked for his fabulous hair and eyebrows. And what do I get? Diddy squat. I wonder if there's an upgrade clause somewhere in this contract...."

Slave: "I am sorry Master, but in the fine print it states "once the slaves are chosen you are stuck with them for life. You can not pick any other slaves, but you can pick other masters to pass the time with to make life more bearable.""

Master: "I don't know why they have us masters fill out contracts anyways. None of us can read."

It is time

Slave: "Master, I feel that it is now time for you to move into your own bed into your own room. And although the other slave and I are very proud of you for sleeping in your bassinet, we feel it is the right time for you to become a big girl."

Master: "Ha! That's what you think!  I'm not moving into that room. The bed is much to big for my little tiny body and that room smells like poop and barf."

Slave: "I understand that master, but you will grow into the crib and it is your own poop and barf that makes the room smell. The other slave and I spent lots of time before your arrival preparing this suite for you."

Master: "It's a suite? Well, in that case I might have to re-consider."

Slave: "Oh yes, it's the master suite in the house. I think you will find it quite comfortable in there. Plus, it has a closet full of dresses! And a whole drawer full of shoes!"

Master: "Ooooooh! I like shoes! I think I have decided that it is time to leave the room I've been staying in, which smells like socks and dirty laundry, and move into the master suite!"

Slave: "Excellent idea Master. You are most smart."

Smells Delcious

Slave: "Master, I think we might have to re-evaluate your bath-time routine. I'm not sure that we should put Baby Oil on your head any more."

Master: "Oh? And why is that Slave?"

Slave: "Well Master, we always put the oil on your head and then give you a bottle before bed. But when I burp you afterwards and have a little snuggle, I seem to get oil all over my face. And although it may be good for your skin, it tends to not be good for mine."

Master: "Who said it was about you anyways? I like the Baby Oil, it makes my skin soft and makes me smell delicious.  The oil stays!!"

Slave: "Yes Master."

What team are you on?

Slave: "Master, I have noticed that when we watch Twilight or New Moon that you seem to be more entranced with Jacob. Unfortunately we are on Team Edward. And in fact, I think Edward may be your father."

Master: "Horseshit we're on Team Edward. Don't you think that if the other slave in this house looks more like Jacob? With the dark hair and dark eyes and all the muscles? I mean, like when he was younger? So shouldn't YOU be on Team Jacob?"

Slave: "I will give you you whatever you want if you don't mention this conversation to the other slave."

Master: "I win again! Now. Get me my Sophie Giraffe."

New Discoveries

Master: "Slave! We must talk."

Slave: "Yes master? What is it that you would like to discuss?"

Master: "Do you know that green from that hangs from my Bright Starts play gym? The one I hang out with every morning while doing tummy time and practicing rolling over?"

Slave: "Yes master. You love your green frog."

Master: "You never told me I could REACH it, and it jingles!! JINGLES!! What other secrets have you been hiding from me?"

Slave: "Ummmm, I can think of only one other secret. Do you know that when you have a bath there is much splashing in the water?"

Master: "Yes slave, I do know. I love my baths."

Slave: "Well master, that splashing is you."

Master: "WHAT?! I can splash too!! I am a genius!!"

Ladies Night

Slave: "Dearest little Master. I am very much looking forward to this evening."

Master: "Oh? And why is that Slave?"

Slave: "Because Master. I am having other slaves over this evening to enjoy a bottle of wine."

Master: "Did I say you could invite other slaves over? What about me? Who will fullfill all of my needs."

Slave: "No need to worry Master. The other slave will be taking care of you this evening. He will do your bath and get you ready for bed and take care of all of your feedings."

Master: "The large warm one with dark eyebrows that wiggle is going to be taking care of ALL my feedings? Does he have ANY idea how much I eat?"

Slave: "He has no clue master. But I shall ensure that he is prepared. If it isn't too much to ask though - I appreciate that you have been sleeping through the night for me - but I was wondering if you could possible wake up at 3 AM for him. Just so that he can see how cute you are so early in the morning."

Master: "Well, we'll see. I"ll decide later if I shall have abandonment issues or not. And just as long as I get to wear my cute pajamas. And get to be cuddled all night long."

Slave: "I shall see to it Master."

Are your priorities straight?

Slave: "Master, I just meant to pop out to the drug store to rent a breast pump and I come back with a breast pump with enough artillary to run an army, a car full of diapers and formula from Superstore and four bottles of wine. Do I have my priorities straight?"

Master: "Well Slave, that fancy pump will lead to more milk which will lead to more stored milk which will lead to me peeing more and which will lead to more nights off for you to drink that wine. So, I daresay, that although your priorities might not be in the right place, your logic is sound. Which is impressive for someone as sleep deprived as yourself."

Slave: "Thank you Master. You are most kind."

I don't want to grow up!

Slave: "Master, it is time for you to start sleeping in your crib in your own room. You are starting to get too big for this little bassinet."

Master: "That's what you think Slave! Every time you put me in this crib I shall cry and cry and cry and cry and cry until you put me back in my own bed that is in your room but also my room. And that is the way it is going to be until I say so!"

A Poem From Uncle

I try and hold you when Mom doesn’t have ya.



Then when I getcha Dad comes and grabs ya.


Your eye brows are always up,


It’s like your trying to say “whats up?”


Your starting to laugh, your starting to smile.


When you poop Megan says it’s a pile.


But you’re a baby so its ok,


Even though it doesn’t smell like a bouquet


But when you’re grown up and a little lady


You wont wanna do that like you did when you were a baby.

Poopy Pants

Slave: "Master, it is your Grandpa-pa's birthday. We shall put on your party dress and tights and go out to bring him his birthday card. But first, we must stop at Costco for a few groceries."

Master: "Excellent. I'm glad to hear it Slave.  But I think what will really happen is this - you shall put me in my party dress and tights, and we shall go to Costco, but instead of getting a few groceries I think I shall poop all over my party dress in tights, including my carseat and blanket, which will result in our first ever parking lot poopy diaper change. I will require new jammies, a new onsie and at least 27 wipes in order for this to all come to fruition. Kapeesh?"

Slave: "Yes Master, your every wish is my command."

Breakfast

Slave: "Good morning Master. It is time to go downstairs so that I may have breakfast. As your food source, I must maintain a proper diet."

Master: "You think you get breakfast slave? I saw you have breakfast already this morning. I want to play!"

Slave: "Master, that was a mulivitamin. That doesn't count as a meal."

Master: "It does now. Now..sing!"

Slave: "Yes Master."

Strollercize

Slave: "Master, as an unforseen consequence to going to strollercize we will be spending the day upstairs."

Master: "But why Slave? My friends the green frog and crinkly leaves are downstairs."

Slave: "Unfortunately I used muscles that I have not used in many moons and as a result have very sore legs that hurt even more when descending down a flight of stairs. I now that it's not the actual class that helps you lose weight, it's the fact that you will be trapped on the one floor of your house that does not have food."

Master: "Well, that seems a bit extreme doesn't it? I see green frog every morning! I MUST see him today. Suck it up princess - we are going downstairs"

Slave: "Yes Master."

Fooling the Slave

Slave: "Master, the other slave and I feel that you should be aware that we know when you are fake crying."

Master: "Fake crying? I don't fake cry. I have no idea what you are talking about. Who fake cries anyway? And if I did fake cry - which I don't - it would probably work on you."

Slave: "Master, you fake cry until one of us come's to put your soother back in, and when we peak over the crib, you look at us and then put on a big smile, which has lead us to assume that you are fake crying."

Master: "Huh. So that smile is not going to work then? You're just going to leave me in my crib until I get bored and fall asleep?!"

Slave: "Yes Master."