Ink Pink You Stink

Slave: "Master why are you crying now? You were sooo happy just a moment ago."

Master: "I have decided that I don't like pink anymore. Why do girls always have to wear pink? Why can't it be a nice rose colour, or purple? And I have to point out that if I did ever wear blue or green it would make my eyes pop! Now Slave, why do you dress me in pink all the god-damn time?"

Slave: "Because you're bald and everyone always thinks you're a boy and I don't want to get your ears pierced yet so I dress you in pink so there's no confusion."

Master: "Oh. Well. Pink does bring out my cream-coloured complextion. You are forgiven."

Escape Plan

Slave:  "Master who are you yelling at?"

Master: "Sigh. The gig is up. I must confess that I was trying to formulate a plan with the Sleep Sheeps assistance to escape from my Kiddopatamus wrap. My arms are stuck and my nose is itchy and the Sleep Sheep is just hanging there and he didn't answer me when I first whispered to him and he just hung there when I started yelling at him. I don't get it. I thought that he and I were friends."

Slave: "Master, you shall make many friends with inanimate objects. I'm afraid that you must learn how to deal with them not assisting you in your escape plans or in the placement of booby traps."

Master: "Fine. I never liked Sheep anyway. They are much too fluffy. And my nose is still itchy. And now that you've mentioned boobs, I have decided that I am hungry."

Oh Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun

Slave: "Oh Master, it is so hot out I'm not quite sure what to do with you. Before when it was cold we would just stay inside in our jammies with lots of blankets, but now that it's so hot out you seem to be just fine in your diaper, but what shall the other slaves think of me?"

Master: "Who gives a poopy diaper what the other slaves think of you. It's HOT outside. It's HOT inside. It's hot in my room, especially with this stupid diaper on! I want to be naked. Naked I say!!"

Slave: "As you wish Master, but we must not take any pictures and put them up on Facebook for fear of judgement."

Master: "Stupid Facebook."

Place Your Bets

Slave: "Master, there seems to be a great debate over what colour your hair is going to be. It seems as though my family is conviced it will be red, while the other slave's family is convinced it will be dark. Could you please shed some light on the subject as we need to place a wager."

Master: "How are they even guessing at what colour my hair will be? I'm totally bald. Like, TOTALLY bald. But I say we keep them guessing. I shall keep my eyebrows fair and my eyelashes dark and that way no one will ever know what colour my hair will be until I actually grow some. Spend your money on something more useful. Like new shoes for me."

Pool Party

Slave: "Did you have a good time at the pool today little Master?"

Master: "Why yes slave I did. In fact, I had such a good time that I decided to fall asleep while in the kiddie pool. I woke up about 45 minutes later quite refreshed. Plus I was quite famous in the pool with my cute fish bikini from the Gap on."

Slave: "Yes you were Master. I'm quite sure everyone in the pool commented on how tiny you were and how cute your bathing suit was."

Master: "Even when I was sleeping?"

Slave: "Even when you were sleeping."

But I don't want too!

Slave: "Master, raising your eyebrows won't help you keep your eyes open."

Master: "But I don't want to go to sleep!"

Read the Fine Print

Slave: "Master, you are soooooo close to laughing. Is there anything that I do that's funny and will make you laugh?"

Master: "Do you know what I find funny? The fact that I picked you and the other one as slaves. I mean, I really had no idea how nerdy you really were. And the other slave I picked for his fabulous hair and eyebrows. And what do I get? Diddy squat. I wonder if there's an upgrade clause somewhere in this contract...."

Slave: "I am sorry Master, but in the fine print it states "once the slaves are chosen you are stuck with them for life. You can not pick any other slaves, but you can pick other masters to pass the time with to make life more bearable.""

Master: "I don't know why they have us masters fill out contracts anyways. None of us can read."

It is time

Slave: "Master, I feel that it is now time for you to move into your own bed into your own room. And although the other slave and I are very proud of you for sleeping in your bassinet, we feel it is the right time for you to become a big girl."

Master: "Ha! That's what you think!  I'm not moving into that room. The bed is much to big for my little tiny body and that room smells like poop and barf."

Slave: "I understand that master, but you will grow into the crib and it is your own poop and barf that makes the room smell. The other slave and I spent lots of time before your arrival preparing this suite for you."

Master: "It's a suite? Well, in that case I might have to re-consider."

Slave: "Oh yes, it's the master suite in the house. I think you will find it quite comfortable in there. Plus, it has a closet full of dresses! And a whole drawer full of shoes!"

Master: "Ooooooh! I like shoes! I think I have decided that it is time to leave the room I've been staying in, which smells like socks and dirty laundry, and move into the master suite!"

Slave: "Excellent idea Master. You are most smart."

Smells Delcious

Slave: "Master, I think we might have to re-evaluate your bath-time routine. I'm not sure that we should put Baby Oil on your head any more."

Master: "Oh? And why is that Slave?"

Slave: "Well Master, we always put the oil on your head and then give you a bottle before bed. But when I burp you afterwards and have a little snuggle, I seem to get oil all over my face. And although it may be good for your skin, it tends to not be good for mine."

Master: "Who said it was about you anyways? I like the Baby Oil, it makes my skin soft and makes me smell delicious.  The oil stays!!"

Slave: "Yes Master."

What team are you on?

Slave: "Master, I have noticed that when we watch Twilight or New Moon that you seem to be more entranced with Jacob. Unfortunately we are on Team Edward. And in fact, I think Edward may be your father."

Master: "Horseshit we're on Team Edward. Don't you think that if the other slave in this house looks more like Jacob? With the dark hair and dark eyes and all the muscles? I mean, like when he was younger? So shouldn't YOU be on Team Jacob?"

Slave: "I will give you you whatever you want if you don't mention this conversation to the other slave."

Master: "I win again! Now. Get me my Sophie Giraffe."