If I say jump you say how high

Master: `Slave, I have outgrown this blue jumpsuit hanging from the large metal A frame. I need a new toy.`

Slave: `Actually, that`s the best part about the Jolly Jumper, we`re able just to move you up a link and then you`ll be able to jump again.`

Master: `Excellent. Move me up a link please.`

Slave: `One link it is.`

Master: `Move me up another please.`

Slave: `I already moved you up one. You can jump much higher now.`

Master: `I must be able to jump higher. As high as I can go. I love jumping. I love jumping a lot. And I especially love jumping really, really high.`

Slave: `That`s good, because the other slave and I love to watch you jump high. It is most entertaining. Especially when you just hang there and bob. Okay, you win. Two links it is.`

Two Tutu's?

Slave: "Master, why are you not jumping in your jolly jumper anymore?"

Master: "I do NOT jump. I float and have twinkle toes like a ballerina. Therefore I shall only 'jump' if I am wearing a tutu."

Slave: "Of course my beautiful dancer. Would you like to wear the blue one or the purple one?"

Master: "Well, the purple one matches my outfit and the blue one makes my eyes pop so we might as well wear both. I just can't decide which one I look cuter in. Maybe I should let my public decide."

Busted

Slave: "Ha! I totally caught you red handed!"

Master: "I have no idea what you are talking about slave."

Slave: "I just saw you roll over from your back to your tummy.  The other slave has found you like that in the crib on several occasions, but we have never actually seen it. And I just saw it."

Master: "You must be mistaken. I clearly do not know what you speak of. Have you had your eyes checked?"

Slave: "My eyes are fine. I just saw you do it! I even have it on film."

Master: "I shall deny everything. You saw no such thing. I do not have the ability to roll over from my back to my tummy thereby giving me a new party trick."

Mmmmmmm delicious

Slave: "Master, you are starting to creep me out staring at me like that while I eat."

Master: Creepy stare.

Slave: "Master, would you like something to eat as well? I don't think apples and peanut butter are a good first choice for you, but we can put you in the Bumbo chair and see how you do with your own food."

Master: "Excellent idea slave.  And it just so happens that I'm wearing a shirt that matches the Bumbo. But what's that you have there?"

Slave: "It's rice cereal. It's a special food just for little Master's. I believe that you will find it quite delicious."

Master: "It looks like barf."

Slave: "It smells like barf. Here, try some."

Master: "Ugh, that feels funny. But it's not bad if I push it around in my mouth with my tongue.  Excellent cooking slave."

Tricked Again

Slave: "Master, why is it for the past three days you have been up every 45 minutes in the night and then when I go away for a sleepover with other slaves, you decide to sleep through the night again?!"

Master: "That is what you get for abandoning me. Maybe now you'll learn your lesson.  And before you get smart, the lesson would be to never leave your master again. Ever."

Oh Mr. Sun

Master: "Slave, I need you to block the sun for me. I hate it when it gets in my eyes. And since you are the one who forgot my sunglasses, you will be my shade."

Slave: "But Master, I am very fair and when I spend too much time in the sun I burn and become very cranky."

Master: "Do you have any idea how cranky I will become if you do not block the sun?"

Slave: "Good point. Is me standing here sufficient enough to block the sun?"

Master:  "No, a little to the left. A little more.  Now down. No, up again. Little to the right. Now stand on one foot. Tilt 25 degrees......perfect!  Hold that pose.  I can now enjoy being outside without the sun burning out my retinas. "

Jail Cell

Slave: "Master, what is all the fuss about? It is 3 o'clock in the morning."

Master: "I'll tell you what the fuss is about. See this jail cell that you have me in?"

Slave:  "That would be your crib."

Master: "Yes, well this 'crib' that you have me in looks like a jail cell. And I have started to move around in the night trying to unsuccessfully release myself from your swaddle. But I can only move one way, which is to the left. And now, at 3 o'clock in the morning my face is smashed up against the bars and I am unable to rotate further."

Slave: "My apologies master, soft cushions to prevent this from happening are no longer allowed."

Master: "If I had been born 30 years ago my face wouldn't be pushed up against the cage.  It would be pushed up against a nice soft fluffy pillow.  Silly governement recommendations and regulations."

Happy Slave Day

Slave: "Master, I must thank you for sleeping in the morning and sleeping all through last night. It is a most excellent Slave Day present."

Master: "Slave Day? How come you get a day that's so special? Is that why the other slave made french toast? When's Master Day? And for the record, I didn't sleep all that time for you, I was exhausted from being at my cousin's birthday party and staying up so late. I need my beauty sleep."

Slave: "It's Master Day every day. Every day we try to make you feel special."

Master: "I am special. But, if we are going to be celebrating anything, I must be put into a party dress."

Jump! Jump!

Master: "Slave, I have a bone to pick with you about this Jolly Jumper."

Slave: "What seems to be the matter Master? I thought you liked your Jolly Jumper.  You spend an hour in it every day."

Master: "Yes, well I do like it. The only part I don't like is that when I drool, the drool gets all over the floor and then I end up stepping and jumping in the drool and then my socks get all wet and then the sock lint sticks to my toes and then I end up with fuzzy pink wet drool feet."

Slave: "I'm sorry to hear that Master. Why don't you just stop drooling then?"

Master: "Because Slave, it's part of my persona.  It's on the list of things that babies do. Didn't you read the manual?"